Thanks for listening to me. I am just somebody with a severely messed up life. This isn’t even the start of it sadly enough.
I have been abused all my life. Now that I am an adult, I want to escape it. The thing is: I don’t have the money.
My grades were always bad in school since of all my illnesses (physical and mental) and abuse. It was a struggle not to fail a single class. Of course, this means I got no scholarships. Even though I was involved in theatre and was considered one of the best actors in the class, I could not get that scholarship due to not being in any plays due to my home life and being forced to not go.
I have considered moving out, but, like before, I am basically broke. My dad is rich but…yeah…he is the reason why I’m stuck. Meanwhile, my mom, who I have a great relationship with, is poor (they are divorced due to my dad’s abuse) and did not have custody over me as a child.
I have always wanted to get therapy, but I don’t have the money. Back when I was a kid, my grandmother was somehow a therapist (even though she abuses me and her kids) and forced me to go to her. And, well, I did not tell her any of my problems. In spite, she purposefully gave me a wrong diagnosis of depression and OCD when she said herself that I have severe PTSD and GAD. Of course. I tried to press charges, but, being a kid at the time, only my mom believed me. And my mom is thought to be a crazy person for divorcing my dad. Nobody believes her about the abuse either, even though I witnessed it everyday in my early childhood (from three to eleven).
Now I just feel stuck. I am going to college for a major in economics and a minor in acting, but that’s only thanks to my abusers’ money and me acting in front of them (when I said I was a good actress, I meant it). I do have a job but that barely makes any money. Do you have any advice for people like me? (From the USA)I Am Stuck (and Been for a Long Time Now)
I Am Stuck (and Been for a Long Time Now)
Before we dive in to some ways to help, I would invite you to join me in re-reading your email by means of the lens that I see it through. I see a young woman who begins her email with gratitude to the reader, even though many others have hurt her. Someone who has been abused all her life, but still has the drive and willingness and hope to fight for herself. Who, despite all the setbacks, still finds herself pursuing her dream and is in college — and working. So sum it up, I already see someone who is brave, resilient and courageous. Someone with passion for what they want and grit to stick with it. I see someone who, in spite of everything that has happened, still has hope in the future and believes she has the power to make things better.
I’d use the resources at college. Most have a counseling center where they offer free or very low cost therapy. Talk to them about getting some services. As a backup, I’d use a local service in your area that helps match your needs with other local counseling services: http://www.ccceg.net/. Talking to a professional now about your past and future is what will help the most.