Recently I have been thinking about my life is so unnatural if I compare myself with other people, but on the other hand I always have been weird/odd for most of the people I met, however my life has been almost always like that but for me it is not strange at all. I know that I’m strange because people told me all the time when I was in school. I’m not aware that whether something is strange/wrong with me or not, only people tell me that my behaviour is not normal. Lately my parents told me if I don’t change myself then they are going to take me to a psychologist.
People say that I’m weird because i have absolutely no desire for socialization, I prefer to stay in the shadows where no one can notice me. I prefer to be alone most of my free time, I don’t talk to either of my parents nor my sisters. I simply see no reason for communication with other people. Socialization is boring for me I only talk if necessary or people ask me something about. . . If I have to spend too much time with others i feel like they suck out life energy from me and i have to spend a lot of time alone in order to recharge myself.
In my free time I go nowhere because i see no reason to go outside, I have no friends, in fact I have never had any true friends in my entire life and i don’t want anyone , i don’t want to be with anyone, I would like to be with only myself. I don’t even want to be with my family.
I avoid eye contact when i meet strangers because I feel bad to look into someone’s eyes. I never had interest in dating in fact i never been in a relationship with anyone because i find it meaningless . . I prefer solitary activities and i do things on my own.. .
I have to spend too much time with someone I feel very uncomfortable and i have to retreat to my own little world sooner or later.
What i realized about myself is that I’m completely apathetic, i have no empathy for people. When someone is suffering/crying around me i don’t feel anything at all. In my opinion i don’t care about other people’s feelings, and i don’t care about my feelings as well. For example if i would never ever see my sisters again , I wouldn’t care about it.
In some social situations I don’t really know how to behave or what to say to people. When I don’t know how to interact with others i simply don’t do anything and i remain silent. I can only focus on one thing when i’m doing something. If someone interrupts me when i’m doing something very important i become angry and i tell the person to go away immediately.
Also i have no interest in social norms, i do everything the way i like. For example at Christmas when all the family members are gathered together , i give the presents to them then i leave them alone.
Despite the fact that i have no friends no family and i’m alone i don’t feel loneliness or sadness or anything like that.By the way I have no desire to change myself ,but my family wants me to change my mind.
Do you think i have a personality disorder?