No, I can’t fix you from afar. But I can give you some suggestions. First — Give yourself a little credit. You actually are asking for help by writing to us here. It’s a start. I hope you will build on that effort.
It’s not at all unusual for someone who experienced trauma as a child to have little memory of it if it was not handled properly at the time. Even if you were not the witness of your parents’ fight, you were aware of their conflict for some time and then you lost them both. A kid can’t make sense of that when the grown ups won’t even talk about it. Often kids store it away in some part of their brain since they conclude that if the grown-ups can’t handle it, a kid can’t either. This is what “repression” is about.
Although you believe that your tour of duty was uneventful, it may be that you are so practiced at repressing your emotions that you don’t realize that the stress of service really was taking a toll.
You say you are a “train wreck”. Well. It’s time to put yourself back on the rails. At 29, it’s time to take care of the wounded kid inside since no one did it for you when they should have.
Since you are a veteran, your local VA probably offers counseling services that are affordable (or free). At least take a look. Every branch of the armed services has mental health support available to their vets.
Army: Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline: 1 800 984 8523
Navy: Safe Harbor: 1 877 746 8563
Marine Corps: Wounded Warriors: 1 877 487 6299
I doubt very much that you wasted your time getting an education. Do see the career counseling center at your school to learn how best to go about getting appropriate employment. If you haven’t done an internship, you might consider volunteering or interning to gain some experience and confidence before applying for a job.
I wish you well.