I didn’t have a horrible childhood, however there were parts that weren’t particularly pleasant. I was a victim of mild child abuse- mainly emotional, some physical (but nothing too bad). I battle with Dsythymia and ADHD (diagnosed).
When I remember my childhood, I remember mainly the facts. I know that I visited an aquarium, but I don’t necessarily remember. If I focus, then I can remember, but it is only snippets- like an image or two. Most of it is reconstructed, where I see myself- my child body- in the picture. I don’t see the movie or my parents from my point of view in my memory, rather I see from another’s point of view, where I see the back of my head, myself in between my parents, staring at the screen. I see the memory from another point of view, not my own.
When I am recalling what happened to me as a child, specifically when I was abused, I can give the facts of what happened, but I feel separated from the memories. I know it happened, but emotionally it doesn’t feel like it happened to me, if that makes sense? When I start to make the connection that it happened to me, I become emotionally confused and fragile. I can handle it, but it is a frustrating.
Is this normal? If not, why is it happening to me? My main guess is this feeling is caused by the stress and trauma of my childhood, but speaking with others, they seem to vividly remember their events in a completely different manner than myself. (From the USA)Disconnection with Childhood
Disconnection with Childhood
Thanks for writing to us about your situation. Sometimes when there is abuse early on the mind can try to protect itself from the painful recollection by distancing and blocking the memory. Your background information indicated that you are in college. I would make an arrangement with the university’s counseling center to have a therapist there help talk you through these thoughts, feelings and memories.