I’m a 13 year old girl and I’m a very violent, sadistic, unempathetic person. I’ve had very violent desires and urges ever since I can remember, and in recent years, it’s also become sexual. To put it simply, I want to kill people, I want to see them suffer, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get sexual gratification from doing so.
When I was younger, and even a little bit now, I would try to hurt animals. I would throw things at them, try to run them over with a dirt bike, and would tear any bugs I found limb from limb, along with other things. I would even plot to murder my parents when I was around 8. I’m not saying I don’t do that now, but I fully intended on following through with my plans back then. I would pack a backpack, wait until my parents were asleep, and sneak knives into my room.
I’ve never had much empathy, and the amount I do have has been gradually decreasing over the years. I have decent cognitive empathy, but I have no affective empathy, nor do I feel sympathy at all. In fact, for the longest time, I actually thought the words “I feel bad for you” was just an expression. I’ve never felt for another person, or at least, not for a very long time. I don’t care about other people, nor do I form emotional attachments with others. Thanks for any help.

A. Your violent desires and urges are very concerning. Desiring to hurt others is not normal. Most people don’t feel that way. It’s good that you recognize these feelings as being problematic. Solving a problem first requires acknowledgment. It is an important first step.

It’s also worrisome that you have tried to hurt animals. Not only is it morally wrong, but it’s illegal. If caught, you could be charged with a serious crime. The federal government has recently increased the penalties for people convicted of hurting animals. The Federal Bureau of investigation (FBI) considers animal abuse a “crime against society.” It is often a precursor to serious criminal behavior. People who hurt animals might also hurt people.

Some communities have created a registry of animal abusers. Much like sex offender registries, people convicted of hurting animals are placed on the registry and barred from owning animals. These registries are publicly accessible so that community members can keep their animals away from dangerous people.

In order to protect yourself against future legal trouble, I would strongly advise that you consult a mental health professional. Ask your parents to help you find a therapist. A clinical evaluation will determine if something is wrong. Most importantly, the therapist will then create a treatment plan to address your problematic behavior.

Finally, if you feel that you are a danger to yourself or to others, call the authorities. They can protect you from doing something that you would regret. Hurting people and animals could lead to your arrest and severe punishment. Treatment could help you immensely. It has the potential to positively alter your course in life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle