Home » Ask the Therapist » I Don’t Know if It Was Rape

I Don’t Know if It Was Rape

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I used to stay at my now ex-boyfriend dorm, during one of those nights we had sex and had fallen asleep undressed (I was aware of what we had done). The next morning I woke up and there was a condom wrapper next to me; I was confused because I didn’t recall doing anything else with him after falling asleep. I asked him about it and he told me if I didn’t remember that we had done it again after that; he just said he thought I was awake because he heard me moan. But I don’t remember a thing; further on I got really bad anxiety with him, it can be described as a fear of him.

I Don’t Know if It Was Rape

Answered by on -


There are federal and state legal definitions of rape. Generally speaking, rape involves non-consenting sexual behavior. If you didn’t agree to it or know about it because you were asleep, (i.e. did not consent) it would generally be considered a crime. However, whether or not he is guilty of rape is a legal question that I cannot answer. Those types of questions should be directed towards legal and or law enforcement professionals.

You mentioned that he is now your ex-boyfriend. Part of the reason seems to involve your fear of him. If he had sex with you while you were unconscious, then your fear of him is warranted.

Because this incident happened on school grounds, you should contact on-site counselors. Under federal law, schools are required to respond to reports of sexual violence. Under Title IX, of the 1972 educational amendments, colleges and universities who receive federal funding are required to “combat gender-based violence and harassment, and respond to survivors needs in order to ensure that all students have equal access to education.” Most higher education academic institutions have resources on campus to help victims of sexual violence. The school counselors will know how to help you. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I Don’t Know if It Was Rape

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). I Don’t Know if It Was Rape. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Jun 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.