advertisement
Home » Ask the Therapist » Passive Aggressive?

Passive Aggressive?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I started dating someone who had been in prison for almost 10yrs of his life. He learned how to become very passive aggressive. We met up, broke up and months later he came back and I tried again. This time was better, but it all came out in the wash. So my Bday was recent, and he put no thought into my gift, so I was disappointed, but didn’t say so. We went out to eat and from start to finish he told me I deserve better he’s a loser etc. He did that a lot and I fed into it, but I didn’t feel like it that day. So the night sucked, the sex sucked, and the next morning he kissed me said he loved me and took all of his stuff and left. I put it off as a tantrum, and didn’t bother to speak to him. THen two days later, in my mailbox is a gps i have him as a gift. I didn’t ask for or want it back. Is he looking for a rise out of me? Will this be a continuous pattern of dropping hints on me, or could this really be the end. I don’t think we belong together, I don’t want him back, but I hate the lack of closure. And the immaturity of it all. In your opinion dealing with this kind of person, could this be the end, or just the beginning of more passive aggressive behavior. I know this seems more passive, but trust me, his anger gets so bad, silent treatment tantrums, etc that I wonder if it’s just lingering in the distance. I just need to know if I should be breathing a sigh of relief or holding my breath waiting for the next move he does. And of course, why. Why did he do this, why does he do this. I know prison gave him PICS, and he doesn’t even know what that means, but it obvious to me. (I am an RN who has worked in a lot of psych)But I just do not understand why no closure, and why I care so much. (I loved him and I think he loved me) Thanks! (From the USA)

Passive Aggressive?

Answered by on -

A.

 How much more closure do you need? He didn’t honor your birthday. Told you you deserve someone better, took all of his stuff, returned his gift. You say you don’t want him back and think this might be a ploy he is using to manipulate you. Breathe a sigh of relief and know that you have been asking the wrong questions. Instead of why he did and does these things — the better question is why you’ve tolerated this for so long already.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Passive Aggressive?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Passive Aggressive?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/06/09/passive-aggressive/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 9 Jun 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.