From Sweden: The last time I was at my psychiatrists everything felt so wrong and I was so mad. Now I have no memory of the following days. After that happened I’ve been feeling really homicidal towards all of my therapists and psychiatrist. They have many times ignored me and only remembered I existed after an attempted suicide. I want to hurt them like they’ve hurt me. I can not go to the hospital for fear they will lock me up since they have before. I can not go to my doctors because it is them I want to hurt. What should I do?Homicidal Thoughts Against My Psychiatrist
Homicidal Thoughts Against My Psychiatrist
There is more wrong here than simple anger. You didn’t give me much to go on. I can only guess that something gets triggered in you when you get angry so you dissociate. If that is the case, it might be helpful for you to either call or email your psychiatrist to inform him or her about what has happened and to ask for some help.
Hospitalizations can be helpful. but they are most helpful when the staff know what they are trying to treat. Otherwise, they are only containing a person. Containment is important during an emergency, but long term recovery requires getting to the root of whatever is troubling the patient. My best guess, and it’s only a guess, is that you have been terribly hurt but haven’t been able to talk about it so you didn’t get the help you need.
If any of this rings true, I hope you will take the next step and talk to your psychiatrist about it.
I wish you well.