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Home » Ask the Therapist » I Think I’m Falling in Love. Can I Stop It? Should I?

I Think I’m Falling in Love. Can I Stop It? Should I?

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The first time I met the man I think I’m falling for was less than two months ago, at a book launch. It was a book about a subject I’m very interested in: politics. He was one of the people who were invited to speak about the book and I felt no attraction whatsoever at first. However, the more he spoke, the more I started to like him because we were on the same page with regards to quite a lot of issues. He impressed me and became instantly interesting to me. That’s pretty much how people can begin to truly interest me.

Since then, I friended him on Facebook and saw him four times. I could’ve seen him the fifth time today but refused to, to see how it would be like. It’s not unbearable but like a missed opportunity. What I mean here is not that I spoke to him (I did briefly, barely worth a mention), that we could have met up on our own. I simply went to events I knew he was going to. It was all fun and a subject to joke about with my friends until a few days ago. I went to a debate that he took part in (he was great) and I couldn’t stop thinking about him since then. When I try to even think about totally ignoring him, unfriending him on Facebook, I feel physical pain in my chest, in my stomach area. I’m afraid I’m falling in love but it seems a bit ridiculous after only seeing him four times and barely even interacting with him. Somehow, I can’t stop attributing ridiculous interpretations to his behaviour. Our eyes met quite a few times at the debate and we looked in each other’s eyes for a few seconds before either one would look elsewhere. It raised my hopes up but that shouldn’t happen.

He’s much older than me, he’s married and has children. He seems like a great person one would like to have around but as a friend. I shouldn’t be falling for him but it feels awful when I try to erase him from my mind. Can I stop this process? I also have a crucially important examination next month and I’m not sure what would make me suffer more and distract me, trying to erase him or going with the flow and possibly suffering later. (From Romania)

I Think I’m Falling in Love. Can I Stop It? Should I?

Answered by on -

A.

 Everything you have said is normal and understandable. The fact that he is unavailable for a relationship is enough to leave it at a Facebook friendship. Pursuing something that has this kind of barrier is typically a recipe for disaster. Cultivate your appreciation of him and his work and look for the characteristics that you admire in him in other available men.

I Think I’m Falling in Love. Can I Stop It? Should I?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Think I’m Falling in Love. Can I Stop It? Should I?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 11, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/06/07/i-think-im-falling-in-love-can-i-stop-it-should-i/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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