I’m very sorry that your problems have become chronic. I suspect that your fear of being left is what is getting in the way of your ability to take advantage of therapy. Unfortunately, therapists can only do therapy if the client is open and honest about what is going on inside her head. Without that information, we’re left making guesses which may take us down an unproductive path.
If you can’t bring yourself to talk to your therapist, please give her the letter you sent to us at PsychCentral. It is an eloquent and detailed account of what is going on with you. That will give your therapist an opening so she will be able to work with you much more effectively.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been found to be very helpful for relieving symptoms like yours. Talk to your therapist about whether there is a DBT group in your area.
Writing to us tells me that you really do want help. Now, please, let your helpers be helpful. Take the next step and share your letter with your therapist and with your prescriber.
I wish you well.