There are many theories about why people are aroused to S/M or Dominance/Submission. Which is the correct one? Are any of them correct? The one thing that we can be very sure of is that historically, sexual arousal to these things goes back as far as written history.
Is it a problem for you? Is it hurting you psychologically? You are now feeling some guilt associated with your sexual arousal and that could well be a signal that indeed it is hurting you. A therapist could better evaluate this for you, after a thorough interview with you.
The thing that concerns me is that these activities seem to spill over into your non-sexual life with your boyfriend. If it were simply a “game” that you played in the bedroom for sexual stimulation then you would be able to read about and study the lives of millions of people world wide who share your interests in D/S. Perhaps it is a harmless activity that you and your boyfriend engage in for sexual stimulation that only appears to involve normal times. I can’t answer that question through email communication.
Millions of people do associate sex with guilt but that does not make it normal or healthy. Not all guilt is a sign that psychological damage is right around the next turn. The guilt can’t be ignored. Please find a therapist with which you can discuss this issue. I hope I’ve helped.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on June 5, 2006.