My brother just recently told me that he’s thinking of ending his life on his birthday 5 days from now. He says that he’s not depressed, but feels like there is no way for him to be happy living his life.
I feel that it’s all my fault. Almost a year ago, i invited my best friend over to my house to hang out, drink some beers and play cribbage with my brother and i. she had a boyfriend at the time and still does, and i had told my brother this, but that didn’t seem to stop anything. they really hit it off, and when i went away to school with my best friend, not far away from home, my brother would drive almost daily to visit her. i think he tried almost everything to convince her of his feelings, and i know that she has feelings for him as well, but doesn’t want to hurt her boyfriend.
I could see that my brother was slowly going crazy seeing her but not being able to BE with her, so i told them that maybe they shouldn’t see eachother. everything was going well, my brother seemed to be thinking of her less and got a girlfriend. but that didn’t last long.
One night my friend and i had planned to go out to a club, but we didn’t have a ride. she asked if my brother could drive us..my brother told me afterward that on the car ride back my friend had been touching his arm with her foot in the car. they ended up talking on the porch for a while, my brother told me that she had said how she missed him and was jealous of his old girlfriend, but then continued to say how her boyfriend didn’t deserve this and how he was such a good guy. They argued and made out again, and my brother took her home.
My brother told me that he had thought that she had made up her mind and had chosen him over her boyfriend and that was why they had kissed. he called her the next day to talk, but she wouldn’t listen, she said that they had nothing to talk about.
It has been a couple weeks since then and i’ve noticed my brother changing, at first he was always angry, slamming doors and hitting things. we live with our parents, and they kept asking me what was wrong, but i know they wouldn’t understand and there’s just so much that my brother doesn’t tell them, so i kept silent.
My brother told me that he doesn’t blame my friend, that there’s no hard feelings and he wanted me to tell her that. since what happened my friend was really distant until a couple of days ago. she really wanted to go downtown clubbing again so we made plans. my brother knew i was going out with her at night and while i was on the phone with her trying to make plans to get downtown he said that he could drive us. i knew her answer would be no, but he wouldn’t leave until i asked,
So i did and she said no and i could see he was upset.
That morning when i came home from the club, my brother came into my room where he told me of his plans to kill himself on his birthday. right away i started to cry, i told him he was making the wrong decision and that he shouldn’t be saying that. he told me that he had made up his mind and nothing would change it. he said not to tell my parents, that i could tell anyone else and he would be okay with it because he could explain it to them just not my parents. i tried to guilt him by saying that he couldn’t leave me alone here, but he just said that i wasn’t alone. i pleaded with him but nothing came of it.
I have five more days until his 22nd birthday. i havn’t told my parents yet. and i havn’t talked to my friend. my brother told me that he couldn’t talk to her becuase some how she would be able to convince him not to do it. he sais that she’s the one for him and a life without her would be pointless. i don’t want to tell her this and put it all on her shoulders, i think it would be a last resort.
It’s all my fault and i know he’s giving me time to fix it but i don’t know how!
– Little sister