I’m so, so sorry you went through such an awful experience. I don’t think you are “over the trauma”. From what you wrote, you have the usual symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is not unusual or shameful after an experience like that.
Please take care of yourself by getting help from a mental health provider who will both understand what you are going through and offer you the specific help you need to manage your thoughts and feelings. If you could manage the trauma by yourself, you would have done so already. Please, please get yourself the help you need and deserve.
I wish you well,