You stated that “I have my whole life ahead of me…” but that’s not true if you are sick or die from an eating disorder. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental health disorders. The survival rate quickly increases with treatment.
The acid that is scarring your hands is also damaging your esophagus and teeth. Electrolyte and chemical imbalances can damage your heart and other major organs. It’s imperative that you seek professional treatment. It is a very serious matter.
You mentioned wanting to move so you can be alone, but that may be a bad idea. Isolation will likely exacerbate your disorder. It would allow you to purge in secret. You would no longer have to pretend that you’re okay. Cutting ties with your remaining contacts would be self-destructive. These connections, however tenuous, might be preventing the development of a full-blow eating disorder.s
I would encourage you to consult a mental health professional who specializes in treating eating disorders. Good treatments exist. They will know how to help you out of this “dead end.” They’ve treated many people with eating disorders and they can help you too. The longer you wait to seek help, the more damage that is being done to your mind and body. I hope you will choose treatment. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle