I think this boy that goes to my school is obsessed with me. We met through skype and he hasn’t given me a moment to myself since. He’s a very good friend but he wants to talk/call with me every single day and i need some time to myself. During school he follows me around all day sometimes without even saying anything. I almost always have to start the conversations. He is so quiet because he told me that he gets very bad stomach aches and starts shaking whenever he is near me. He still has these even though we have been talking almost every day since august. I don’t like to see him sick like this but he insists on always being with me. He told me he wants to go out with me but i told him i just want to be friends. I feel awful because he likes me a lot but I don’t feel the same way. In January i finally told him that i needed some time to myself but he started crying and he kept apologizing that he was such a pest and he said he would leave me alone. I didn’t want to make him cry so in an effort to calm him down I told him I didn’t mean it and I don’t actually think that.He also gets mad if I do something he doesn’t like, some examples are when we first started talking I didn’t say good morning enough to him. He told me he felt like I didn’t care about him and he was very angry with me because of this, he started texting to me in all caps and looked annoyed at school. I thought it was an extremely stupid thing to get upset about. Another time was when my friends downloaded halo(a pc game)at school and I played it with them “too much” in the morning before school (20mins). He told me I was being very selfish because I wouldn’t have a conversation with him. So I stopped. But he is still quiet when around me. More recently he told me he has been suicidal and is extremely depressed because we haven’t been calling enough even though we text every.single.day. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to hurt his feelings or worse. help. (From the USA)
It sounds like you already know what to do but aren’t quite able to do it yet. That is a different thing than not knowing. You sound very clear that you do not like to be smothered by this boy, feel too controlled by him, that he makes you feel guilty, and is blaming you for his depression and suicidal thoughts. None of this is okay. The fact that he has shared that he has been suicidal changes everything. This is not healthy — and not something you can manage on your own. I would immediately talk to the guidance counselor in your high school and let him or her know that this is going on. Your friend needs help and you being nice to him because you are worried about him emotionally is an indication that he needs more help than you can give. In some ways it is like being bullied: he uses he emotions to try and control your behavior.
Please make this a priority. Your friend needs help from others. The best thing you can do as a friend is help him best by letting others know he is having thoughts of hurting himself.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). How to Deal with Someone Who Is Obsessed with You. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/05/27/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-is-obsessed-with-you/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 27 May 2017) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.