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The Person that I Once Relied on for Everything, Is No Longer There

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My sister, whom is four years older than me, was once the most important person in my life. She was the one I would go to for advice, someone to vent to, and just someone to not make me feel so helpless. She was in a very serious relationship, until she found out some unpleasant things about him. They broke up. She became cold and distant. We stopped going out and no longer had that close relationship.  I no longer went to her with any of my internal struggles because I felt like she was not in the right mindset to help me. She even seemed lost. She was my everything.  After losing her, I feel like I have nobody. I always struggled with letting people in. She was the one person who I always knew I could open up to.
They broke up almost a year ago, and things have not changed. I am afraid I have lost her forever. I have great friends, but I also have a phobia of getting close to people and letting them in(except my sister). My family is wonderful, but I cannot talk to them about this. I have brought it up to my mother on several occasions, and she believes that she needs time. It’s almost been a year.
A few months ago, I had a breakdown and told her everything that was bothering me, including how distant she has been. She acknowledged her mistakes, apologized, and said she’ll be better. She didn’t change a bit. I feel as though I will never get my sister back. I have no one to talk to about my problems. I keep it all bottled up inside until I have a breakdown, alone.
I am a a crossroads and am feeling really lost. The person who I once thought would help me with everything, is no longer there for me. What do I do? (From the US)

The Person that I Once Relied on for Everything, Is No Longer There

Answered by on -

A.

 I am sorry to hear about your sister. This may be a time for you to be a support to her rather than looking for her to respond. I would continue to group my relationships with others and invite your sister to connect with you. Rather than look to her, you be the one that just takes her out and helps her feel a bit better for the night. Sometime the best thing we can do is show our love and kindness for others. This can help them get out of a crummy place, while we feel better extending ourselves.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

The Person that I Once Relied on for Everything, Is No Longer There

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). The Person that I Once Relied on for Everything, Is No Longer There. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/05/22/the-person-that-i-once-relied-on-for-everything-is-no-longer-there/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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