If you don’t care about whether you live or die, then maybe you are not as happy as you say you are. Happy people want to live. They value life.
You state that you are not planning to end your life, but if it ended you would not care. You might be describing passive suicidal ideation. Passive suicidal ideation is indicative of depression. Depression is a symptom of unhappiness. It suggests that something might be wrong and needs to be changed.
An alternative view is that you are taking your good fortunes in life for granted. If everything has gone well for you and you’ve never experienced loss or suffering, then perhaps you don’t realize your fortune.
I’m reminded of an Abraham Maslow quote about taking life for granted. Abraham Maslow studied psychologically healthy people and wrote about their characteristics. He thought that people would be more satisfied with their lives if they had gratitude for their everyday blessings such as freedom, physical health and economic well-being. He was “…convinced that getting used to our blessings is one of the most important nonevil generators of human evil, tragedy, and suffering. What we take for granted we undervalue…” Sometimes people only appreciate the true value of what they had after it’s gone, when it is too late.
It would be good to explore this problem with a mental health professional. Counseling could help you understand why you feel the way that you do. You also mentioned disordered eating but did not elaborate. Eating disorders are dangerous. Disordered eating is also a sign of discontentment. If something is wrong, then it’s important to correct it so you can have a joyful life. Counseling could help you achieve that goal. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle