I am 21 years old and my parents are still super strict with me. I have a job, I go to school, I pay for my own schooling, pay for my own expences( car, phone, insurance etc.). At home I do all that needs to be done, including taking care of my little sister. I believe that I am responsible enough to be treated like an adult but I’m not being treated like one. Ever since I got with my boyfriend they have become even more strict. I have to be home at 9, pm and I can’t spend a weekend with his family. We are doing anything sexual and I have told my parents this. I don’t know what else I can do in order to gain some trust and respect from them. Please advise. (From the US)
It is time to have a discussion with your parents about what you need and explain that you can only continue living with them if there is a change. This isn’t a challenge — it is a fact. You are old enough to vote, drink, drive, and serve in the armed forces. Coming home at 9 isn’t what will help you grow. You’ve proven yourself to be VERY responsible. Let them know that their well-meaning attitude has to change and be willing to negotiate with them about a trial period and evaluation to help them see you are extending your responsibility in good faith.
If they stick with their approach then it is time to make a plan to move out. Check with your school about rooming possibilities, dorms, and other forms of housing. You may need to take a loan, but your freedom is worth it.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Dealing with Strict Parents. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/05/21/dealing-with-strict-parents/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 21 May 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.