From a teen in the U.S.: I think I genuinely have a personality disorder because I’ve been suffering with behavioral peculiarities lately.
Ever since I could walk and talk, I had always been quiet and minded my own business. The presence of other people never excited me. I remember I never spoke to anyone even though I was perfectly capable of speech and I still don’t even now in some instances. At the most, I’ll communicate with signs to get what I need.
But with my friends, I’m completely normal.
Growing up, my parents had always gotten the complain that I lose my concentration easily and daydream way too much. It got so bad to the point where I lost precious things without even realising I had them rather lose them? Now I remember being told to do something by someone very clearly but when I asked them about it, they never even told me to do it!
Another thing is that my mood and emotions/feelings vary a lot. One day, I’ll like and think very highly of a person and the next day I’ll hate their guts and think the worst of them. I’m sure this isn’t normal. Same goes for my relationships with people, none of them are ever stable because I feel different things all the time and I can’t tell them.
I struggle with self-esteem and image as well. I had suicidal thoughts when I was 10 but never gave in to it but I did start self-harming which lasted for 3 years. I stopped when I cut too deep that I had to go to the emergency room. Although, I still have urges to do it to feel something because I always feel like nothing can ever satisfy me and that i’ve a void that I cant fill no matter what. I also cry very easily.
I maintain completely different images of myself with my family and with my friends. My family knows me to be a innocent and shy girl who doesn’t do anything bad or knows any vulgarity whereas I’m WILD with my friends. I also have a problem of over analyzing everything after acting out on impulse. Am I just overthinking or is it for real?I Think I Have a Personality Disorder
I Think I Have a Personality Disorder
I don’t know if you have a personality disorder. Most teens go through periods of thinking and acting in ways similar to what you describe as they work on figuring out who they are. Most teens suffer from doubts about their self-esteem at one time or another.
What concerns me more is that you apparently didn’t get a mental health evaluation and treatment when you cut yourself so deeply. You have presented a very complicated picture of yourself. Your letter also shows me that you think hard about things and that you would do well in the give and take of an honest conversation with a therapist.
I don’t have enough information to give you a responsible response to your question. I encourage you to do for yourself what was not done for you when you were in the emergency room. Make an appointment with a therapist. Bring this letter to your first appointment as it will jumpstart your conversation. You deserve to get your symptoms and your apparent double life sorted out. If you could have figured it out on your own, someone as bright as you are would have done so already.
I wish you well.