I Don’t Know?
This feels kinda stupid but I know I need help? I’ve slowly lost touch with everyone in my life, including my whole family. I have exams coming up and everyone expects me to do amazing but I can’t. I can barely find energy to get up in the morning. there are times when I feel like crying, even though there’s nothing wrong. I’ve always got a headache, or stomach ache, or just generally feel ill. I think I hate myself and this makes me hate everyone else too. I feel like I’m ‘digging my own grave’. I talked to someone honestly, and she basically told me to ‘suck it up’. Sometimes I wonder if she’s right though, maybe its just me being a twat. Recently, I’ve buried myself in all the fantasy worlds in tv shows. My whole family seems more complete without me, and just generally happier. The friends I used to have got left behind as I moved schools, and I ended up with the popular kids. I just don’t wanna cry anymore. I’m just so tired. and I can’t talk to anyone. my parents think I’m crazy, and I’m making stuff up. they’re too busy with my siblings to even notice me half the time. sometimes I wonder if they wish they didn’t have me. I’ve also gained a lot of weight. it sucks. I’m taller than my own dad like is that even possible? and fat. I’ve tried working out… I look like an idiot. I just want to leave everywhere, but that isn’t possible. I’ve been brought up as a Christian, but sometimes it feels like even god doesn’t want me. I went to a retreat, and came back happy and refreshed. no matter how much I pray I cant get it back. it seems like whatever I do now I always wrong. I’m so sick of being here. sometimes I wish I could just sleep till I’m old. talking to people makes me feel like an attention seeker, begging them to notice me. but I need their help, I don’t know how to ask for it. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m alright, apart from my parents. I thought they were the people who were meant to notice you and know you the best? I always say sure I’m okay but I literally don’t know. I wanna leave home. (From England)
A: At 16 years old I can say that many of your feelings are shared by others you age. It isn’t easy trying to figure out where to fit in and how to choose a direction in life. I admire the fact that you are trying different things to feel better even though you don’t feel supported by your family. This takes courage and resilience and isn’t easy.
The sadness you are describing can be coming from many sources. I would just tell your parents that you are not feeling well and ask to go to the physician. Your parents may have an easier time if they believe you need medical attention. When you talk to the physician explain to him or her that you are having these thoughts and feelings. The physician can do two things. One, he or she can check out if there is anything physical that may be causing your symptoms. Secondly, if it is time for some counseling he or she can talk to your parents about the need and help make a referral.
Tomasulo, D. (2017). I Don’t Know?. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 25, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/05/17/i-dont-know/