From the U.S.:  My husband and I separated 2 years ago for a couple of months (he was my fiance then). Guess the wedding planning was taking its toll on us. After 5 months we got back together and went ahead with the wedding. During the breakup he met a woman and started a relationship with her. When he realized he still wanted to be with me he called off his relationship and we got married.

Now the trouble is this woman indirectly/passively posts stuff on her social media (whatsapp) directed at my husband. How do I know? Well, when they broke up she sent him a text message saying “Chances only come by once. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone. You will regret what you did”.

She uses those EXACT same words on her social media as status messages each time she sees my husband and I on his profile pictures. or if he posts something about his marriage she IMMEDIATELY updates her profile status to that karma message she once sent to him. This has been happening for 2 years now.

How do I know? Because im obssessed with watching her status updates on whatsapp. Whats going on with her? Is there a hidden meaning im missing? why isnt she moving on? Did he promise her something I dont know about? Like maybe that he was going back to her one day and the marriage wasnt real, just to keep her hanging and that’s why she is upset when she sees that he isnt coming back?

My mind is going into overdrive. When I asked my hubby he got upset and said he doesnt know why she does that, it’s in the past for him. But why get upset and not talk about her at all? It’s causing me some anxiety and trust issues in my marriage.

A: As painful as this is, your problem is not with the woman. Your problem is with your own insecurity and with your questions about trust in your relationship with your husband. It doesn’t matter what this woman posts. It doesn’t matter that she can’t move on. That’s her problem, not yours.

It makes sense that your husband doesn’t talk about someone he had a flirtation with. He chose you, not her. I’m sure it hurts him that you don’t believe that.

For that reason, I think you and your husband need to see a couples counselor for a few sessions. The two of you need to air out any issues of trust that exist between you. Without trust, your marriage will fall apart. Your husband needs a counselor’s help to find a way to reassure you that you will accept. You need a counselor’s help to find a way to freely give your husband your trust.

You were wise to write to us here at PsychCentral. If you continue to monitor this woman’s app and obsess about what it might or might not mean, you will erode what looks like a promising marriage. I’m sure you don’t want that. The fact that your husband gets upset with you suggests that he doesn’t want that either.

Please follow through and make an appointment with an experienced couples counselor so you two can resolve this issue once and for all.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie