I am very, very glad you wrote. Give yourself lots of credit for all the hard work you are already doing to try to recover from habits that would only destroy your life.
Yes, childhood abuse can result in continued self-abuse. Sometimes abused children grow up believing that they deserved mistreatment. They then continue to do to themselves what was once done to them. Further, abused kids often conclude that there are only two ways to be in life: victim or victimizer. As adults, they ratchet back and forth between those two roles. Neither is comfortable. Neither is a happy way to live. But a child isn’t able to find the third option — a healthy life that doesn’t involve abuse of self or others.
You need practical help and ongoing support to shake your childhood conclusions and to find that third option. You already know that you cannot manage your inner rages on your own. Drugs were a “solution” but had too high a cost. You may have quit the addictions, but you were not able to quit the behaviors that went with them. The solution that will work is active participation in therapy.
You could readily do an internet search to find a referral site that could help you find a program or counselor.
By the way, the Transcendental Meditation site you were looking for is: https://www.tm.org/.
Yes, TM may be helpful. But I do think the situation you described requires some very personal, individual support through therapy as well.
I wish you well.