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The Girl I Love Is Secretly in Love with Our Common Friend

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Well I fell in love with a friend. first I didn’t know she was bi. we hangout a lot and one day we were at my house and she started getting close to me and she kissed my neck and I didn’t push her off. we didn’t kiss or had sex. well the two days after we acted like we were together but secretly because she wasn’t out. and after that she apologized for the day when she got close to me. than I had to tell her that I love her and she rejected me.
we met for a quick talk and she told me that she is in love with our straight friend (her best friend) and she don’t want to use me as a rebound. and what she felt the day we got close was only physical. well I don’t think so because she is not a sexual/physical person and she told me that when we talked again on the phone (contradiction)
What I know that she had issues with her dad and that common friend (a girl) stayed by her side back in the days. I don’t know also what type of issues she had with her dad. what I know is that when she talks about him she describes him as an animal. the straight friend is so much caring, she cares about everyone and stayed next to her this time.
it’s hard for me because I saw the spark in her eyes when we hang out together even this one friend want us to be together because she thought that the girl I love likes me too because it’s obvious.
it’s hard for me because she still talks to me every day I see her at college we have the same classes. it’s very hard because she gave me signals than she rejected me
I don’t know if I should tell our common friend that she loves her
I don’t know if a should stay by her side
I don’t know if I should leave
it’s just too hard for me
I care for her and want to know if this bad relationship with her dad and our friend being caring are the reasons that she rejected me or she maybe thought that was love and she is just afraid of losing her best friend.
ps she told that even if her best friend will only think of her as a sister she would be happy to stay with her because she loves her and she rejected my help to get out of the situation. (From Lebanon)

The Girl I Love Is Secretly in Love with Our Common Friend

Answered by on -


Don’t look for more from this relationship than what you are getting. While it may be hard for you — the work is for you to accept the fact that she has rejected you, that the mutual relationship she has with your joint friend is their business, and that you should not go into orbit around hoping she will change her mind.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

The Girl I Love Is Secretly in Love with Our Common Friend

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). The Girl I Love Is Secretly in Love with Our Common Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 May 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.