So to start off my mom and I didn’t always have a terrible relationship. I think things started changing when I started, well, gaining weight. I was becoming fat and she used to scream at me for it. In the beginning, whenever she did call me fat and ugly she apologized later and this continued till I was like 13. She did hit me with a rolling pin or her hands and I used to be so scared to walk past her when she was in a bad mood cause I was afraid she’d hit me if I was in her reach. I remember this one time I was on the ground and she was kicking me and just kept going. Then as the teen years went by I was in that typical unreasonable stage where at one point I told her I hated her which got me a quick beating. When I finally passed that stage when I was 17 and I didn’t get beatings anymore. I also started making effort to drop the weight however she never tried to support me, like she’d pay for the gym, she’d push me everyday but the moment she was in a bad mood she’d call me a fat and useless daughter, which really hurt my feelings cause I was genuinely trying to lose weight. She told me everyday if I kept being fat I’d get bullied and in my mind I always felt like she was my only bully. Every time i spoke to her, she’d sort of look at me in disgust and say, “Go away I don’t really need to look at somebody who looks like an elephant at this time of the day” or she’d call me a useful lump or something like that. She is slim and beautiful, of course. I stay locked in my room because I know if I come out and have a conversation it would turn to the topic of my weight and end in a fight. She has a problem with that as well and has called me dull countless times.
I guess the reason I wrote this was because just now we had a fight cause I apparently took her earphones, and even though this seems trivial she suddenly started screaming at me. She called me useless and stupid and while she was screaming I tried apologizing to which she cut me off and told me she didn’t want to hear what an elephant has to say and then in my anger I told her she’s horrible and she just simply replied, “You’re the worst.” When i was done crying I came out with my eyes were red and she laughed and said, “Finally done with your tears and drama?”
I know it doesn’t seem like much. She just can never actually have a conversation with me or support me and I feel alone.