From the U.S.: I don’t really feel like myself anymore. Can’t enjoy anything I love. Even my dogs just seem boring to me. I have a major passion in music, but I feel like I’ve been avoiding that A LOT lately, which bothers me to the extreme. I hate my job, but my parents won’t let me quit until I get a car. I get it. I really do. But I’m MISERABLE. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Life has lost its color. I’ve become very negative and just not caring about my morals or values anymore. I just don’t really feel real. I feel like I’m just here. Not living.
I don’t know how to get out of this and back into music. I have an audition with 2 colleges, but I can’t seem to find joy even in that even though I want to go to on of them for music performance. I don’t really have any friends. My family and I don’t really talk much because I have nothing in common with them. I want to get out and be a musician. It’s a hard job to have considering the low amount of money you can get, but I’d rather be a starving artist than a miserable host. I dread going into work even though I only work 20 hours a week (if that). I’m just … miserable. My parents won’t listen to me. All they do is tell me to suck it up. What should I do?
What you should do is make an appointment with a mental health professional for an evaluation. It may be that you are suffering from depression. It may be that you are so afraid of failing your auditions that you have subconsciously come up with a way to avoid them. Or it may be something else. I’m not able to sort this out on the basis of a letter but a counselor can.
By the way: Not all musicians are “starving artists”. Many make a good living by playing as solo performers, by teaching, or by being accepted into an orchestra or other musical ensemble. Still others work at a day job and follow their musical hearts during evenings and weekends. If you truly want to make music, get your education and learn about possibilities from your teachers.
I wish you well.