It’s encouraging that you’re seeking help. Your awareness and openness to treatment significantly increases the likelihood of a positive outcome. You are doing the right thing by choosing treatment.
Your concerns are warranted. It’s worrisome that you feel out of control. Murder fantasies might function as mental preparation for future behavior. In other words, they might be a form of premeditation. They need to be addressed and extinguished. These issues can be effectively addressed in counseling.
You mentioned not wanting to reveal your fantasies because of your fear of judgment. Counselors will not judge you. They understand this type of thinking. They will gather information about the problem, determine a diagnosis, if one is appropriate, and design a treatment plan. They want to help you.
I have read the biographies of many people who have committed murder. It is common for them to have fantasies of murder, to view violent media and to feel out of control. It is my sincere belief that had they sought mental health treatment many of them would have never killed. With treatment you can gain control of your behavior. Without treatment, you might act on your fantasies. If so, you would likely be sent to prison for life or executed for your crimes. If you want to avoid those outcomes, then you must seek help as soon as possible. Treatment could save your life. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle