From a teen in S. Africa: I’m a student. I have started dating with my boyfriend since last year. so things get off the track on September do we ended up breaking up. The following year (this year) he asked me to give our relationship a chance and I agreed.
All of the sudden he just told me he had a child. when I recall last year when I was chatting with him last year, he putted a profile pic of a boy looking just like him then I asked him that who is that child? then he told me its his nephew (knowing exactly that it was his child).
Now I don’t know what to do. we love each other but It just too much to me. I want my future to be bright and the most thing that even makes me think too much is that I’m still pure.
It may be that your boyfriend didn’t tell you about his son because he was afraid that the information would make you lose interest in him. That might explain it, but it doesn’t necessarily forgive it. Honesty and trust are the basis for a good relationship. If his withholding and lying about the boy undermines your trust in him, it will be difficult to regain it.
That being said, you mentioned another important issue in your letter. You are also concerned about the difference in your sexual history. You said it is “too much” for you. Trust yourself. If it is important to you that you be someone’s first and only, then you may need to take a big step back from this relationship.
You are young. There is no rush to find true love or to get involved sexually at your age. There are men who, like you, are waiting until they are older (and until they find the right person) before they have sex.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
My Boyfriend Did Not Tell Me that He Has a Child
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Did Not Tell Me that He Has a Child. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/04/23/my-boyfriend-did-not-tell-me-that-he-has-a-child/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.