You must care deeply about your wife to keep trying. I have a guess that this has something to do with control. Having been attacked twice by people who were supposed to be trustworthy in her life, your wife may feel that the only way she can feel safe is by being in control of the situation when she is with a man. She did agree to marry you despite her fears which speaks positively about her feelings for you. But it appears that in some instances her anxieties get bigger than her love and trust for you.
It might be helpful if you let her know that you understand that what happened to her was traumatic. You may also sit down with her to discuss her feelings and express to her your commitment to help her get through it. It would be a shame indeed if the actions of two very bad men deprived you both of a loving and intimate relationship with each other. In a way, that would be letting the bad experiences win. I hope you can both be angry, together, at the situation instead of being angry at each other. It would be a very good idea for the two of you to go to couples counseling to get some help directing the anger and the need for control out of our marriage and where it belongs, as well as finding tools to help you both communicate better with each other.
I wish you well.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on April 18, 2007.