You mentioned that you barely leave your home but didn’t explain why. Perhaps you work from home because of anxiety or some other reason. Knowing why you don’t leave your home is a key piece of information that would have helped me to understand what might be wrong.
If it’s fear that’s keeping you in your home, then you might have anxiety or depression. Those disorders could also explain why you have these distressing thoughts.
Your thoughts of harm may be a form of passive suicidal ideation. It could be something like this: “It doesn’t matter if something bad happens to me because I don’t deserve a good life and no one would care if I am gone.”
It could also be that you see yourself as unworthy and believe that you deserve to be harmed, abused or killed. Those types of thoughts as described are commonly associated with depression.
Idle time may be a contributor to this problem. Let’s assume that you do work from home and that is the reason for your rarely leaving your home. People who work from home often are isolated and feel lonely. You might have less time for introspection if you were working outside of your home and interacting with people. That type of distraction could help. It is not a cure but spending less time alone would force you to think about something other than your distressing thoughts.
To answer your question directly, your thoughts are not “normal.” They are indicative of someone in psychological distress. Counseling is the ideal place to address these types of thoughts. Cognitive behavioral therapy works to change both thinking and behavior. I would highly recommend it. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle