I would like to offer a perspective that may be helpful in these types of situations. Of course, it is hard for me to know all the particulars, but there is something happening, which involves a lack of intimacy that seems important to highlight.
In different ways both men were available and unavailable simultaneously. Your first love was emotionally and physically intimate, but was distanced geographically. When it was possible for that to change — he changed. The second man is available geographically, but not sexually. The red thread is that neither is fully available and, by your descriptions, never have been.
This leaves you in the constant position of wanting and not having love. You are living with one and want the other, but you no longer trust the other enough to leave. The constant in all of this is you are drawn to each man’s potential, but not to their reality. By staying in love with both, you keep yourself from being fully intimate with either.
The situation is not meant to be resolved, which is what is most likely causing you depression. The illusion is that there is a right choice to be made, but the situation has evolved so that there is no right choice — only more of the same wanting and not having.
The way out of this is to understand more about your own process of being with unavailable men. For this I recommend individual therapy. A good relationship therapist will be able to help you sort through both the origin and ways to correct this process.