Hello, I am a seventeen-year-old girl that is from cali, usa. I think I may have Stockholm syndrome, or something like that.
So, my cousin and I always had this…weird relationship. we can’t stand each other but we love (?) each other. yeah, it’s incest. and he has antisocial personality disorder and I’ve depression, inferiority complex, GAD, PTSD, dyslexia and ADHD.
See, he has always made advancements towards me, some people say before I can even remember (he is two years older than me). he even tried to kiss me when I was eight years old during my grandfather’s funeral. and, the thing was, I was okay with it…which disturbs me. luckily somebody found us and stopped it before it was too late.
Then, when I was ten, he started to stalk me, stole my things and burned some of them, tried to contact the devil to make a contract for my love, tried to sneak a peek whenever I took showers (which is why I’m scared of them now), and looked at me while I slept. sometimes he even climbed into my bed. sometimes he tried to grope me or take my pants off. I used to not be able to wear anything without a belt. yet, even after all of this, I still feel this strange love. I even tried to get the police involved.
Yeah to say our relationship is complicated is an understatement. because, yeah, he loves me in a sick way. and I love him in a sick way. yet I still want revenge. is this Stockholm syndrome or something else? I don’t exactly hate authority. I just want to get out of this relationship even though I love him.Do I Have Stockholm Syndrome?
I am sorry that this has happened to you and I’d like to challenge what you are calling strange love. It isn’t love — not at all. I am not challenging your feelings because I understand the confusion. You didn’t have a choice in who your sexual partner was going to be, did not want it to the point of having the police involved. This is about sexual abuse and the resulting reactions that happen. He did something to you at an age where you should have been protected from him. Feeling bad for him, wanting his attention, and being confused about all of this isn’t a healthy love. It is often some of the complex feelings involved after abuse.
I believe some individual therapy would be good for you to engage in as it can help you sort through these feelings of “strange love” and revenge. The find help tab at the top of the page can help you find someone in your area.