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My Boyfriend Is Ditching Me for People Who Were Mean

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My boyfriend has a school reunion event coming up next weekend. I’m not going because I didn’t go to his school. I grew up in another country and moved to the UK when I was 18, and met my bf soon after I moved to the uk. I felt very daunted by being with him as he was very popular at school and he still lived in the environment where all his school friends were and where he grew up, while I didn’t know a single person in the country. However, I have always been someone that makes friends easily, I never have any issue with anyone and generally I would say I’m pleasant person. But for some reason some of his school friends were not welcoming to me. perhaps I was seen as an outsider, (I’m European), or as someone a bit different. but me and him are very happy together. Over the years I’ve heard from some of his friends that they had “heard I was a horrible person and heard bad things about me from other people”, and the people were always people I’d never met, and it was just girls or bitchy people that my bf went to school with. I never understood it, but it really did hurt my feelings because as I said before I’m an open-minded and friendly person, and don’t think I’ve experienced people just randomly saying horrible things about me behind my back.
we have a great friendship group with lots of his and my friends, and we all get on really well. however, I’m surprised and hurt that he would go to this event next weekend considering there will be people there that clearly have some strange vendetta against me that I can’t explain, nor do I know where it stems from. he says it shouldn’t matter to me, but it does.this is a big deal for me and I’m surprised he would walk over me like this. should I be hurt or just accept that he wants to go to this school reunion? he sees his friends all the time, so it’s not really a “reunion”. thank you (From the UK)

A: The real question is why would you want to be with a boyfriend who doesn’t stand up for you, lets his friends treat you this way, and makes choices that hurt you? It sounds like it is time for you to have a serious discussion with him about his lack of support and decisions. If he isn’t willing to intervene now — or understand your reaction — then you may want to consider if he is worth your time and investment.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Boyfriend Is Ditching Me for People Who Were Mean

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My Boyfriend Is Ditching Me for People Who Were Mean

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Is Ditching Me for People Who Were Mean. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/04/07/my-boyfriend-is-ditching-me-for-people-who-were-mean/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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