From a teen in the U.S.: Basically, I think I’m losing my mind. I have always suffered from depression since I was a little kid, and also anxiety. I was just prescribed Pamelor for my anxiety attacks, which hasn’t helped at all.
Recently, I’ve developed a fear of being outside alone, or even with my dog, especially at night. I’m extremely paranoid, to the point I’m afraid constantly that there may be someone in my house.
I have also developed an obsession with gore on the internet. A few years back, I was exposed to it in an online group chat ad now I actively seek it online. Videos, images, even just descriptions or stories of dead or dying people. I fantasize about hurting people in multiple ways, even ones I don’t know.
As for my relationships, no matter who I’m with, and how hard I try, I don’t really love who I’m with. They’re just someone that is there. I’ve also had extremely poor sleep habits, often not sleeping for days at a time. On top of all this I have struggled with suicidal thoughts as well as self harm for years.
A: I am very glad you wrote. You have multiple problems that need attention. You do not have to suffer like this.
First, I hope you are talking with your prescriber about everything you shared here. It’s just possible that some of your symptoms are related to your medication. At least check it out.
Second: You need therapy as well as medicine. Medicine can only blunt symptoms. It rarely takes care of the entire problem. Your letter didn’t give me any of your history or background. I suspect there are issues that need to be worked through in order for you to have peace of mind and positive relationships with yourself and with others.
And — third: Your sleep disorder is in a constant loop with your other symptoms. Lack of sleep can cause depression which causes lack of sleep which makes people more anxious and depressed. You need to deal with the sleep issues directly. Talk to your doctor and your therapist about how to get back in control of your sleep so you are getting 8 – 9 hours a night.
You made an important first step toward your own healing by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Please follow through. Take your letter and this response to your next appointment with your prescriber and to your doctor. It will help jumpstart your treatment. You deserve to have a much, much happier life.
I wish you well.