Sex can be a very animalistic act but for humans it is always more than that. The physical sensations that arise from sexual activity and sexual arousal are filtered, modified and perhaps re-created, all within the domain of the conscious mind. Everything that pertains to you, to your mind, to your development, to your experiences both sexual and otherwise, to recallable memories and also those that have been submerged into the unconscious mind, all of these things interact with the physical to produce human sexuality.
You are both anxious and depressed. Either of these, could have profound effects upon your sexuality both actual and in fantasy. It would be unrealistic to expect that your anxiety, depression, insecurity, lowered self-esteem, etc., would not have a powerful effect upon your sexuality.
As much as we Americans would like to think that we are completely liberated and accepting of homosexuality and gender issues, we certainly are not. Is there universal agreement that someone who identifies themselves as male or female, can use the bathroom reserved for their identified gender? Of course not and our elections surely show that difference. Is homosexuality a vile perversion that condemns its practitioners to hell? Does God hate homosexuals? There are millions of people that say no to both of those questions, but there are also millions of individuals who say yes.
We are surely moving towards a more enlightened view of sexuality but our country is still in transition. We have yet to reach that enlightened destination. You presently exist in that mixed American culture. Could the negativity expressed by many individuals, in our society, towards homosexuality be affecting you, especially at a time of anxiety and depression?
Yes, of course it could.
The first thing to address is your anxiety and depression and all issues pertaining to it. A good therapist will make all the difference in the world. I believe that as you make progress in those areas your sexual issues will also improve. If you follow this process and your sexual issues do not resolve themselves, then you can, of course, see a sex therapist.
In my humble opinion, your sexual problems will be resolved when the more fundamental mental health issues are corrected. I hope I’ve provided some insight into your concerns and I wish you the best of luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle