It maybe started about four or five months ago, when I found a video online named “2 guys 1 hammer” or something like that. I watched it because of curiosity right? at first I cringed. I clicked off and never went back, two weeks later without thinking about it, it popped in my head during health. I went home and hopped on live leak and spent hours on it, for some reason I felt addicted to these videos, I’ve become very desensitized and I only care about few people, then, I started to like(and or love) the look of blood, I looked on tumblr and images of bloody noses or bloody mouths and knuckles, and then I started punching my walls and tried to hurt them just because it looked cool to me, it’s sort of worrying me as I am just 13, and I’m not sure if I wanna tell my parents since i’m in therapy and I already have low self esteem and fear of talking in front of people. I’m very anti-social and hate talking about these things so I decided to do it here.Sanity?
People sometimes engage in behaviors that are harmful and can’t stop doing so. There are many reasons why this happens. You are fortunate because you have access to a therapist. I would encourage you to discuss this in counseling. If talking about it is difficult, then show this letter to your therapist. If you address it in counseling, you might not have to talk about it with your parents.
If you can, talk to your parents about this issue and be honest and forthcoming. They arranged for you to go to therapy and thus are trying to help you. Not all parents believe in counseling despite documented empirical evidence proving that it works. I receive many letters from teenagers who would love to go to counseling but their parents will not let them. Some parents would take their children to therapy if they could afford it. Count yourself among the fortunate whose parents can both afford counseling and recognize its tremendous benefits. Utilize the help and support that you have at your disposal. It will help you to feel better. Try it. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle