I have very bad trust issues, I was in a relationship in 2007 where I was always cheated on, I had a child while in this relationship. Since then i have left, I was single after that for awhile. I started a new relationship with a childhood friend that lasted three years from that relationship we have a beautiful two-year old daughter, we are not together anymore, because of my trust issues, I know that this problem is standing in the way of our happiness, I have never caught my child’s father doing anything in that matter. this is why I have pushed him away, I do not want to be hurt like that again, and I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt his family, I am currently pregnant with our second child, he wants to be here for us but I need help with this.. How can I trust again? (From Canada)
Thank you for being so open and clear with this powerful issue. Trust is the very core of any relationship and putting it at the top of your list to deal with is the right thing. The shift is to be able to trust in yourself. Once you begin this shift toward trusting you-rather than worrying about others-there is a greater sense of self -reliance, and self-control.
The way to start trusting yourself is to begin with self-acceptance. Don’t try to push the feelings of not being able to trust others away. But rather, accept a deeper truth, that you are having difficulty with this — but that you are working to correct it. There are two excellent books I would recommend. Carol Dweck’s Mindset and Karen Reivich’s The Resilience Factor. Both can help you challenge your own thoughts, which is likely to increase your self acceptance. Once you’ve tried these measures you may decide to dive a bit deeper by having some individual therapy. The find help tab at the top of this page can help you find someone near where you live.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Have Terrible Trust Issues in Relationships. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/03/26/i-have-terrible-trust-issues-in-relationships/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 26 Mar 2017) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.