From the history that you have described, I would highly recommend an evaluation by a mental health professional. In most Western countries, medical histories are highly guarded and not available to employers. In Western countries, therapy is available within the military and within law enforcement.
Though some form of psychological testing is often utilized, at some point in the application process, for the military and for law enforcement, mental health records are typically not available. But let’s say that they were and let’s say that by seeking mental health treatment you would be forgoing the opportunity to become a police officer or a military officer. Do you really believe that you would be unhappy in every other occupation and more importantly, do you think any chosen occupation is more important than life itself?
Surely, you do not believe that the pleasure and meaning of life is derived solely from your occupation. If that were the case, then there would be no depressed police officers, military officers, surgeons, dentists, physicists, etc. It is good to find pleasure and meaning in your occupation and I don’t mean to underestimate that but for most people their job is a way to earn a living and they will choose the one that they dislike the least and pays the same.
I apologize for the evil and ignorance that propelled the bullies in your childhood. My apology appears here in black and white and is easily understood but Gods sorrow an apology, is not as apparent. There is goodness in this world and there are good people in this world and they understand and condemn the evil and torture that you experienced as a child. A deeper understanding of goodness or God, will also reveal his condemnation of the evil that these underdeveloped human beings heaped upon you.
The most important thing in your life and your goal should not be to become a police officer or a military officer but to remove and repair the damage done to you in the past. Ask yourself these questions. Would I be a different person today if I had not been bullied as a child? If, instead of bullying, I had received love and nurturing, would I be a different person today?
Good counseling can make things right again. Find a counselor you like as a person and give them the time they need to help you. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle