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Hello, lately, my mom has been talking to a colleague from her work place on the phone(messages). I’ve seen it a couple of times by accident, I saw hearts emoji’s and kisses, that kind of stuff. But recently I took her phone and I searched for proof because I thought it was impossible and I found those conversations and some naughty pictures from that man. I don’t know what to do, I want to talk to her but this never happened before so I’m kind of scared, I don’t know how she’s going to react.

She been talking to that man for 3 weeks I believe. Recently my grandmother passed away (her mom) and it’s a very hard time for me to handle this all chaos and I think for my mom too.

I don’t want to tell my dad because he can be aggressive and I don’t want him to hurt mom or myself. One time my dad thought my mom was cheating (she wasn’t) and he slapped her and they kind of broke up, I felt like trash.

The problem is that my dad knows my mom’s phone password and he can see those texts anytime, I ‘m scared and I don’t know what should I do. In my childhood, they often fought and yell and my life was like hell, I don’t want this to happen anymore I think that seriously affected me.

What should I do? Talk with my mom? (From Romania).


Answered by on -


Talk to your mom and explain that it puts you in a very difficult position. Her carelessness with the phone is something that will certainly cause an issue with your dad, but you cannot try to manage your mother. You can only explain how her behavior has put you in the middle. The important thing to do now is let her know that if her 17-year-old daughter can see this stuff, so can her husband.

I would also be making plans to get out of the home as soon as you can and begin college. Your mom and dad are going to have to deal with their issues — and you are going to have to begin the process of figuring out what you need to do to help yourself. If you have older siblings, they may be the ones you can talk to. If you don’t have siblings, you may want to use our online forums to chat with others to get some support as you cope with this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral


Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Cheating. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 7, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 21 Mar 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.