You and your husband are in a painful dance. You’ve both been hurt in life and are ultra-sensitive about the possibility of being hurt again. I have a guess that you are both very anxious about being left. He apparently had a wife who betrayed his trust. You loved a husband you lost.
I really don’t think this is just about his jealousy or your anger issues. I think the two of you are triggering each other. For that reason, I suggest you get some couple counseling. A counselor will help the two of you find ways to reassure and support each other instead of just reacting out of your individual pain.
You didn’t mention how long you’ve been married. I’m guessing that it hasn’t been that long. You two are in your 50s. You could have 20 or 30 years together that could be happier and less burdened by your anxieties. I hope you will take care of each other by getting the help you need to make that possible.
I wish you well.