My boyfriend (of almost 3 years) and I have been fighting almost everyday. We both have gotten abusive, mentally, physically, emotionally. We have a daughter together and live separate, with our parents. We always come back to each other.
Our relationship is very toxic. He has always been inconsiderate of my feelings. disappearing, lying about stupid things, and I over react every single time. Now we fight every day, and its a terrible fight. Like yesterday we screamed at each other for him not bringing me formula like he said he would. The other day he lied to me about my daughter hitting a milestone.
Our relationship is so toxic. I go back and fourth between whether or not we can fix it or not. He will hold me down, take my keys, if I get mad I will go take all of our money out of our account. It’s terrible.. we blame each other.. He guilts me back into being in our relationship.. like if we aren’t together that isn’t fair because I get to keep the baby and he wont see the baby, which isn’t true. Or just tell me he loves me.
This is NOT love. This is NOT healthy — for either of you or your daughter. Do you really want to spend your life like this? Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking this is what a loving, committed relationship looks like?
See a lawyer to find out what your rights are regarding custody of your daughter.
Get yourself into counseling — both to help you separate from this toxic relationship and to learn how to express anger appropriately. Insist that your boyfriend do the same.
If you both take counseling seriously and make major changes in how you deal with each other and with anger, then just maybe (and I mean maybe) you can try again. But don’t spend time together until your counselors think it’s safe and healthy to do so.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Fighting Everyday. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/03/12/fighting-everyday/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 12 Mar 2017) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.