I want to know if I’m insane. Sometimes I burst into laughter or tears uncontrollably. I have had times where I have taken sharp surfaces, rubbed them against my wrist to peel the skin off, and I was smiling and laughing. Sometimes I act in a way that resembles someone on drugs and wake up confused. I’m scared of therapist and guidance counselors. I feel very afraid of my mind here and there, it’s usually filled with morbid images. I like the taste of my own blood and have a habit of licking peoples’ skin. Other times, I seem perfectly normal, I’m happy and have a lot of fun. I can fake many emotions easily though, sometime I don’t even know how I’m actually feeling. I just want to be able to understand what’s going on with me. I have problems improving on my own and I think this might be a step forward to getting better. When I care for people, it’s a lot and the slightest things either tick me off or shake to the core, leaving me depressed. I bottle things up all the time and have been suicidal before. I need answers……please.
A. Your symptoms suggest that you are suffering and would benefit from treatment. It would be helpful if you consulted a local mental health professional.
You mentioned your fear of therapists and guidance counselors. There is nothing to fear. They are kind, nonjudgmental and will work with you to fix whatever might be wrong. They are trained to help people who are experiencing problems like the ones you have described. They want to help you. You should give them a chance to help you.
It’s especially important for you to seek help because as you have observed, the things you have tried are not working. In addition, you’ve mentioned depression and feeling suicidal. That is concerning. Most people cannot “fix themselves.” Mental health professionals receive specialized training to treat emotional problems. If you know that something is wrong, then you should seek help from people who can help. It is the right thing to do. You should not accept suffering when treatment is available. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle