Your symptoms suggest that you are suffering and would benefit from treatment. It would be helpful if you consulted a local mental health professional.
You mentioned your fear of therapists and guidance counselors. There is nothing to fear. They are kind, nonjudgmental and will work with you to fix whatever might be wrong. They are trained to help people who are experiencing problems like the ones you have described. They want to help you. You should give them a chance to help you.
It’s especially important for you to seek help because as you have observed, the things you have tried are not working. In addition, you’ve mentioned depression and feeling suicidal. That is concerning. Most people cannot “fix themselves.” Mental health professionals receive specialized training to treat emotional problems. If you know that something is wrong, then you should seek help from people who can help. It is the right thing to do. You should not accept suffering when treatment is available. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle