From the UK: Firstly, I want to say thank you for what you do and the way you try to help people. I will describe my situation so I you can have a better overall idea of my question.
I was raised in a strongly christian family with this ideas that sex is only for married people and sex is a sin and it is bad. I mention that I am not virgin, I had sex before but the problem is that I always get this bad feeling when I am making out with a woman and the sexual intercourse it is coming.
I normally try to get a lot of evidence from her that she really wants it in order to reduce the feeling of doing something wrong. I never tend to lead I never initiate.
Is it possible to change my mental pilot regarding this situation?
Early emphasized conditioning that sex is sinful outside of marriage is often the root cause of genophobia. In my opinion, it is unfortunate. Although parents and teachers who hold such views are well-intended, such teaching can backfire. When the child grows up and the time comes to have sex, he (or she) can’t somehow magically turn off all that teaching to enjoy intimacy, whether within marriage or not.
The answer to your question is “yes”. Therapy can help you reconsider the teachings of your childhood and can free you to make your own decisions about when it is okay for you to enjoy your sexuality. A cognitive behavior therapist might be the best choice.
I hope you will take advantage of what therapy has to offer. You are only 23. You have a long life ahead. It is worth spending some months in therapy to ensure that you can enjoy sexual intimacy for the rest of your life.
I wish you well.
Is It Genophobia or What Is It?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Is It Genophobia or What Is It?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/03/01/is-it-genophobia-or-what-is-it/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 1 Mar 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.