“Things don’t change, we change.” – Henry David Thoreau.
The issue here isn’t so much about your wife needing to change, but for you to change. It is time to stop walking on eggshells and break out of her orbit. Her pathology sounds entrenched, she has been this way for a very long time, and she has declared very clearly she is not going to change. This means you and your son will have to do things that suit your growth and development rather than let her determine what can and can’t happen in your lives. Letting someone with such limitations control your life isn’t healthy for them, for you or for your son. It is time to do more of what you want and need to do rather than worrying about what is deemed okay by her. This may mean going out on your own to socialize with friends, inviting a friend over just for you or have you son do this. This is very likely to cause her irritation, but this may be the very thing she needs to grow. Just because she is uncomfortable with change doesn’t mean it is wrong or that she doesn’t need it. Of course the biggest hope would be that the irritation prompts a change in her behavior, perhaps even to seek medicine or therapy. But even if it doesn’t, you won’t be trying to appease her and begin living your own lives with more freedom.