At only 14, you impressively articulate about the reasons for your anger. But here’s the thing: There are always lots of reasons to be angry if you are a sensitive person who is paying attention to the problems in the world. Anger isn’t your problem. Your problem is that you don’t know what to do with it and you don’t pay enough attention to the positive things going on to balance the onslaught of the negative.
For example: TV personality, Mr Rogers, is quoted as saying this: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers–so many caring people in this world.”
You need to develop some coping skills and anger management techniques for dealing with your observations of negative behavior. You probably need some therapy to deal with a long history of abuse and bullying. And you would definitely benefit from getting some coaching in social skills so you can make and keep friends.
In addition, you may have something called misophonia, an angry reaction to sounds like people chewing, swallowing or sniffing, or everyday noises that other people only find to be annoying. Take a look at this article for more information on that: http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2015/08/misophonia_research_disorder_of_irritation_by_chewing_lip_smacking_sniffing.html
All this may sound overwhelming. But your letter demonstrates that you are a sensitive and thoughtful person. For someone like you, therapy often moves along quickly. Please talk to your school counselor or another adult you trust about how to find a therapist who works well with teens.
In the meantime, do consider talking to the counselors at the Boys Town Hotline. (Don’t be put off by the name. They talk to girls too.) Counselors are there 24/7 to talk to teens like you. Your call is free and confidential. Here’s the number: 1 – 800-448-3000. If you aren’t comfortable talking to someone, there is also the option to text or chat online.
I wish you well.