I think I have BPD and major depression. When I’m in a good mood I tend to eat a lot and when this happens I don’t feel bad a t the moment but when I’m done I feel gross and just too big. I start overthinking about how I will gain weight if I can’t control myself and make plans on how long I’ll fast to loose weight. That’s when I become very depressed. I really hate gaining weight and I’m can’t stop thinking about it. The thing is that every time I start fasting I can’t complete the goal that I set and it makes me hate myself even more. I’m very sensitive to failing at things due to school and I feel like a disappointment to my family especially my mom. She obviously get’s angry and disappointed with me because I don’t want to eat. Sometimes I also feel like the only reason I’m still alive is her. I’ve been depressed for more than 4 years (on and off).
Sorry this is so confusing t me and I can’t explain myself properly about this topic.
I’m waiting for my first therapy appointment now but I need to know how to manage this eating issue I have until I go (in a month).
Thank you in advance. (From Germany)