Although I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter, what you are describing is consistent with Social Anxiety Disorder. Social Anxiety Disorder is extreme fear of being judged by others in social or performance situations. That and a low self-esteem are getting in your way of being all you can be. As you have already found, it is a very hard way to live.
The good news is that you have made a start in asking for help by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Ideally, you would benefit from some cognitive behavioral therapy. But if that isn’t available in Egypt, a place to start is at the “Find Help” tab on our homepage. Click on “Community”. Go to the Anxiety forum to learn and get support from other members.
I packed everything I know about self-esteem (and how to improve it) in my latest book, “Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem“, published by New Harbinger Press. You might find it useful to get a copy and work on the activities.
I wish you well.