Although you’ve provided me with a description of your distressing feelings and behavior, you didn’t ask a question. All I can do is respond with what I think you need to know — which is this:
Just because therapy didn’t help at one time doesn’t mean that it isn’t helpful. You just didn’t find the right helper for you. Clearly you are troubled. Clearly you have difficulty making friends and relationships, dealing with your volatile emotions and idiosyncratic behaviors. You may be correct that this all started with the bullying in school, but you haven’t been able to end it. If you could have talked yourself out of the problems, you would have done so long ago.
Please. Listen to the people who love you. They are right to be concerned. They are doing their best to give you solid advice. But they can’t make you help yourself and they don’t have the skills to help you learn to control your moods or behavior.
Make an appointment with a therapist. If you don’t like what is happening in the first few sessions, talk about it. Maybe you and the therapist can adjust how your sessions are going. Maybe you need to look again for someone who is a better “fit” for you.
I wish you well.