I am a 20 year old female with schizophrenia. I am worried about my sexual fantasies, and worried that if I start stressing about them too much it might just trigger another psychotic episode, so even though this is not a pleasant subject I really need to talk about it with someone, but since I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with anyone, I figured I could write about it here. So here goes. Basically, my sexual fantasies (or dreams) are pretty much always about raping or molesting women. I don’t know why. Also, in these dreams or fantasies, it can even be children, or even babies. I find this really disturbing. (There are other things I worry about, like am I transgender, or am I a lesbian, but obviously the first two things I mentioned worry me so much more.) What I want to know is, what’s wrong with me? Do you have any idea why I have these thoughts? Also, how can I change them? How can I have healthy sexual fantasies? Is there any therapy for this? I really wish I could talk about this with someone, maybe then these fantasies would go away. I guess the only good side to this is that because of my medication, I have very low libido, so these fantasies and dreams don’t come all that often. But I’m still very worried. Also this pattern of having sexual fantasies of non consensual sex has been going on for a long, long time for me, maybe ever since I was a child. Do you have any idea why this could be? Now that I’m an adult its much more worrisome. Thank you for reading, and thank you for your help.Schizophrenia & Worried about Unhealthy Sexual Fantasies
Schizophrenia & Worried about Unhealthy Sexual Fantasies
They could be a result of your mental illness. Schizophrenia is a thought disorder. Disorganized thinking and illogical thoughts are part of the disorder. They can also be brought on by stress.
There are also cases of people who have intrusive, negative thoughts. They become fixated on these thoughts and begin to worry that these thoughts make them a “bad” person. The more fixated they become on the thoughts, the harder it becomes to get rid of them. Those symptoms are indicative of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder. Perhaps there is some anxiety-based reason for your unwanted thoughts.
They could also be the result of your medication. Psychiatric medications can be quite powerful and may produce nightmares.
I would recommend discussing this with a therapist. There’s nothing to be ashamed of because you have done nothing wrong. When it comes to dreams and fantasies, you can’t control them. They happen to us. Often they are simply expressions of emotion. They are not to be taken literally.
Once you address your concerns in treatment, they may disappear entirely from your consciousness. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle