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Marital Disharmony Is Affecting My Child

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From Sri Lanka: I am a mother of 1 child, a 3 year old. me and my husband got married after a love affair. though im his only one girlfriend, i have had 2 previous boyfriends. but i have never had any sexual contacts with my previous partners. my husband is a tough person whereas i am a fun loving person.

i grew up with my parents and my mother took care of me all the time. even after i got married i stayed with my parents home as i was doing my post graduate training and my husband worked far away from home and occassionally comes home.

the main problem is though i like to have a carefree life he doesnt. and he suspects me all the time thinking im having affairs with my co workers. and he finds faults in everything i do. i have tried to live the way he wanted but the more i try the more i fail. then i get angry as well and we fight. most of the time it gets physical and i get beaten.

in the earlier times when i showed affection towards my husband he didnt like it and said he needs space. then i too learnt not to disturb him. now he blames me that im not interested in him and that is because im having feelings for my co workers. even though i know that he wanted to have sex with me, he ruins it with saying i have gone and met some man and irritates me, and then he expects to have sex which i cannot do. then he too gets frustrated and we fight.

i am planning to finish my post graduate studies at the end of 2017. my child is 3 years and think she is also suffering because of us. me and my husband are never happy. either he gets mad with me or i get irritated. i asked him to come with me for counselling but he refuses. i want to stay with him and make this work. we are married only for 4 years. he is the only man i wanted to have a physical and a mental relationship but the way he finds faults with me is driving me mad. please let me know what to do. thank you

Marital Disharmony Is Affecting My Child

Answered by on -

A.

I don’t know what is possible for you in your country. If you were in the U.S., I’d be suggesting you think hard about whether you want to stay with someone who is as controlling and abusive as your husband. He keeps you off balance and submissive with his fault-finding, accusations, his bad temper and his unreasonable demands. He is unlikely to change.

No woman deserves to be beaten by the person she loves most. No child should grow up watching her mother be physically and emotionally abused by her father. She is learning that this is what she can expect from a relationship someday.

Since he won’t go to counseling, please go yourself. You need the perspective, guidance and support that counseling offers. You are a smart woman — smart enough to be doing graduate work. Now be smart about your personal life too.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Marital Disharmony Is Affecting My Child

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Marital Disharmony Is Affecting My Child. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 15, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/02/09/marital-disharmony-is-affecting-my-child/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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