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How Do I Get My Sister to Stop Abusing Me?

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From a teen in the U.S. I have a twin sister And she’s been abusive towards me my entire life. I can’t put everything she has done into this, but I’ve been physically and emotionally abused by her my entire life, ever since I can remember (which is three).

When we were kids, she would always beat me up and make fun of me. Like the fact that I do worse at school than her due to my learning issues. My mom always tried to stop her, but she just wouldn’t stop (she also abuses her too). And she made getting friends very difficult. I had to always keep them a secret otherwise she would get very angry.

Now, she has stopped beating me up but forces me to do everything for her and treat me like crap. And I’ve been sick of it for years. I’ve been telling her to stop making me do everything and stop bullying me, but then I’ll get scared and have no more control over my actions…literally. Like an outside force is forcing me to do it anyways.

She usually makes fun about my past and illnesses. Like that I’ve always struggled with being gender nonbinary, that I’ve a lisp, dyslexia and ADHD, GAD and depression. And PTSD from sexual abuse from my cousin (who she did help). So forth and so forth. And I’m just sick of it. I’m ready to take a stand. But I’ve no idea what to do. It just has always been this way.

How Do I Get My Sister to Stop Abusing Me?

Answered by on -


Why oh why hasn’t your family been in therapy? Obviously, this isn’t okay. Your sister’s behavior and your mother’s fear of her isn’t at all normal. You are carrying many diagnoses that need treatment. This has got to stop. If you or your mother could end it, you would have done so long ago.

I hope the family hasn’t been “protecting” your sister by not involving other members of the extended family who might have been able to help you. You didn’t mention your father. If he is in the picture, he might be able to help as well. Ideally, your sister would be removed from your home and provided with therapy to deal with her apparent need to victimize her sister.

Your family needs family therapy. If they won’t participate, at least get yourself into therapy. You need and deserve the guidance and support a counselor can provide while you get ready to leave home.

If you are already in treatment (and I certainly hope you are with all those diagnoses) but haven’t talked to your therapist about this situation, please share this letter with her. Your therapist needs to know that you are living in an abusive situation day in and day out.

Meanwhile, prepare now to leave home as soon as you can. Do well in school so you have a chance at scholarships. If that isn’t possible, get a part-time job and learn skills so you will be able to get out of the house and support yourself.

I’m so very sorry that you haven’t had the close twin relationship that is so often the case with multiples. You and your twin should have had help with this situation long ago.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

How Do I Get My Sister to Stop Abusing Me?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). How Do I Get My Sister to Stop Abusing Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 1, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 8 Feb 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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